A Community Where Women are Loved & Empowered to Learn, Grow, Change and Live
Balancing Work & Family
"Six Ways To Balance Work And Family Life
If you are like most women, you have a company to run or a job to do, children to raise, a home to keep together, and a host of other commitments to husband, extended family and community organizations. Considering that there are only 24 hours in a day, only so much is going to get done. Even less will get done on those days that the kids are sick or a client has a crisis. Besides the dream of cloning ourselves, what else is available so make the day run a little smoother and (hopefully) leave some time for each important part of your life? After listening to moms and experts, here is our list of the Top Six Essential Items Necessary for Work and Family Life Balance.
1. Start with a plan. Imagine hiking through the woods with no trail or map. Most of your time is spent going in circles with little hope of finding your way back out. Focus on your family plan first and then on your business plan. We suggest the family plan first because your ability to keep everything going will depend on a solid foundation at home and the boost you will get from feeling that what you are doing is worthwhile.
Answer these questions for yourself: Why am I working? How can I make the most of my time with my spouse and children? What type of lifestyle do I really want and will this lifestyle make me and my family happy? When I’m 80 years old, how do I want to remember my life?
2. Build a team. You’ll need a team at home and a team at work. Lucky you! You are probably the coach of both teams. Use your plan and let everyone know on both teams what the plan is and how it will run. Let them know what part they have in the plan. Ask them about their plan and what role you play. Talk about what you will do when you reach certain milestones (celebrations!) and what you will do when the going gets bad. Practice your plan with your teams on a regular basis so everyone still knows what the plan is and can contribute the most to the effectiveness of the team.
3. Implement a schedule. Humans are creatures of habit and we tend to love schedules. Effective families have a number of traits, and a consistent schedule is usually one of them. Chaos is not effective and does not promote balance. Use visual reminders at home so that the family knows about the schedule. Laminated poster board works well so that everyone sees what everyone else is doing and what the family events will be. Too many family events such as sports, community activities, or chores? Consider limiting activities or outsourcing or delegating chores to others.
Use the concept of Family Meetings (weekly for most work well) so that everyone can check-in. In some families they have dinner together every night of the week. The family dinner is a very important time for everyone to reconnect and express themselves.
4. Keep work at work. This is a really difficult one for most of us. Some women have home offices and it is so easy to work at night and on weekends. There are times when we still do work on the weekends, but we should try to pick times that your children are not going to want time with Mommy. We call weekends “Family Days” for that very reason to remind us that family is the most important thing on the weekends. If you are still working 60 hour weeks after your business is a couple of years old, make sure that those hours fit your plan from item #1. Burnout is around the corner if your situation does not match your plan and your team is clamoring for your missing attention.
5. Keep home at home. If you worry about your home situation while you are working, your productivity will be significantly reduced. What can you do to help with the stresses at home? Refer back to your teams. Expand the size of the teams so that you have more flexibility to do what you need to. Enlist the help of a relative, spouse, ex-husband, neighbor, or trusted friend to cover those little emergencies that come up with a home and children.
Another option is to hire an assistant at the office that can cover for you there while to handle the little emergencies. Have back-up plans for when the sitter is sick or the daycare center won’t take your child because they have a fever.
6. Use a time management system. So far you have some plans, teams, schedules, and the separation of home and work. Now let’s look at how you can keep track of it all. If you don’t use a planner (paper) or PDA (personal digital assistant) you should seriously consider using one. Use a planner to keep your schedule, phone numbers, codes, notes, and pictures. The planner zips up so nothing falls out. The amount of time you can save with this low-tech device is remarkable.
Communication
Ten Tips For Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships bring happiness and health to our lives. Studies show that people with healthy relationships really do have more happiness and less stress. There are basic ways to make relationships healthy, even though each one is different…parents, siblings, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, professors, roommates, and classmates. Here are Ten Tips for Healthy Relationships!
1. Keep expectations realistic. No one can be everything we might want him or her to be. Sometimes people disappoint us. It’s not all-or-nothing, though. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them!
2. Talk with each other. It can’t be said enough: communication is essential in healthy relationships! It means—
- Take the time. Really be there.
- Genuinely listen. Don’t plan what to say next while you’re trying to listen. Don’t interrupt.
- Listen with your ears and your heart. Sometimes people have emotional messages to share and weave it into their words.
- Ask questions. Ask if you think you may have missed the point. Ask friendly (and appropriate!) questions. Ask for opinions. Show your interest. Open the communication door.
- Share information. Studies show that sharing information especially helps relationships begin. Be generous in sharing yourself, but don’t overwhelm others with too much too soon.
3. Be flexible. Most of us try to keep people and situations just the way we like them to be. It’s natural to feel apprehensive, even sad or angry, when people or things change and we’re not ready for it. Healthy relationships mean change and growth are allowed!
4. Take care of you. You probably hope those around you like you so you may try to please them. Don’t forget to please yourself. Healthy relationships are mutual!
5. Be dependable. If you make plans with someone, follow through. If you have an assignment deadline, meet it. If you take on a responsibility, complete it. Healthy relationships are trustworthy!
6. Fight fair. Most relationships have some conflict. It only means you disagree about something, it doesn’t have to mean you don’t like each other! When you have a problem:
- Negotiate a time to talk about it. Don’t have difficult conversations when you are very angry or tired. Ask, "When is a good time to talk about something that is bothering me?" Healthy relationships are based on respect and have room for both.
- Don’t criticize. Attack the problem, not the other person. Open sensitive conversations with "I" statements; talk about how you struggle with the problem. Don’t open with "you" statements; avoid blaming the other person for your thoughts and feelings. Healthy relationships don’t blame.
- Don’t assign feelings or motives. Let others speak for themselves. Healthy relationships recognize each person’s right to explain themselves.
- Stay with the topic. Don’t use a current concern as a reason to jump into everything that bothers you. Healthy relationships don’t use ammunition from the past to fuel the present.
- Say, "I’m sorry" when you’re wrong. It goes a long way in making things right again. Healthy relationships can admit mistakes.
- Don’t assume things. When we feel close to someone it’s easy to think we know how he or she thinks and feels. We can be very wrong! Healthy relationships check things out.
- Ask for help if you need it. Talk with someone who can help you find resolution—like your RA, a counselor, a teacher, a minister or even parents. Check campus resources like Counseling Services at 532-6927. Healthy relationships aren’t afraid to ask for help.
- There may not be a resolved ending. Be prepared to compromise or to disagree about some things. Healthy relationships don’t demand conformity or perfect agreement.
- Don’t hold grudges. You don’t have to accept anything and everything, but don’t hold grudges—they just drain your energy. Studies show that the more we see the best in others, the better healthy relationships get. Healthy relationships don’t hold on to past hurts and misunderstandings.
- The goal is for everyone to be a winner. Relationships with winners and losers don’t last. Healthy relationships are between winners who seek answers to problems together.
- You can leave a relationship. You can choose to move out of a relationship. Studies tell us that loyalty is very important in good relationships, but healthy relationships are NOW, not some hoped-for future development.
7. Show your warmth. Studies tell us warmth is highly valued by most people in their relationships. Healthy relationships show emotional warmth!
8. Keep your life balanced. Other people help make our lives satisfying but they can’t create that satisfaction for us. Only you can fill your life. Don’t overload on activities, but do use your time at college to try new things—clubs, volunteering, lectures, projects. You’ll have more opportunities to meet people and more to share with them. Healthy relationships aren’t dependent!
9. It’s a process. Sometimes it looks like everyone else on campus is confident and connected. Actually, most people feel just like you feel, wondering how to fit in and have good relationships. It takes time to meet people and get to know them…so, make "small talk"…respond to others…smile…keep trying. Healthy relationships can be learned and practiced and keep getting better!
10. Be yourself! It’s much easier and much more fun to be you than to pretend to be something or someone else. Sooner or later, it catches up anyway. Healthy relationships are made of real people, not images!