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Women and Friendship
Female Bonds Have Both Psychological & Physical Health Benefits
Women thrive both emotionally and physically from close friendships with other women. These bonds are important for female wellbeing and livelihood.
In life, it's important for women to have close friendships with other women. Physiologically, females have a greater need to emotionally bond with others. Whereas many men get by with loose, casual relationships with other men, women tend to look for nurturing, emotionally-fulfilling bonds with other women.
This need starts in childhood and increases during adolescence, when teenage girls find support from their female peers. Often, less emphasis is placed on the mother-daughter bond as teens venture out and test the waters of young adulthood. But once reaching full adulthood, many young women re-establish the mother-daughter bond as one of their primary female relationships.
The Psychological Benefits of Female Friendships
Women seek each other for emotional support and identity. Together they can create healthy communications and gratifying exchanges of ideas and feelings. Add more women into the mix and an entire emotional support system has emerged.
Psychologically, women gain self-esteem, validation, and happiness from such exchanges. Female friends can boost each other's self-worth through compliments, honest opinions, and suggestions. In times of trouble, females seek one another out to know that their feelings or experiences are normal and healthy. From these interactions, female friends bring away an increased sense of happiness and fulfillment.
The Physical Benefits of Female Friendships
- The psychological benefits of friendship may be more apparent, since its positive impact can be immediately felt. At the same time, there is a physical benefit to forming such close female bonds.
- Physical gains can be both internal and external. With happiness and validation comes a lowering of heart rate, blood pressure, stress, and the tendency to overeat. The immune and digestive systems work more efficiently.
- When women form supportive bonds, they often plan group activities or form exercise groups. This can improve the individual women's external aspects, such as weight, complexion, flexibility, and tone.
Situations that Lend Themselves to Positive Female Bonding
Family ties: Mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, and cousins can form tight female bonds. These are often the primary relationships in women's lives.
Childhood/college friendships: These relationships can end up being some of the longest-lasting female bonds of a woman's life.
Mommy groups/ other mothers: Such friendships arise out of a common need--- to support and be supported as a mother.
Coworkers: Other female coworkers, depending on the type of industry, can be supportive of career goals and understanding of office tension.
Women with common interests: Joining activities such as tai chi, yoga, a cooking class, a book discussion group, or a volunteer organization can promote friendships out of common goals and the nurturing of these goals.
Ten Tips For Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships bring happiness and health to our lives. Studies show that people with healthy relationships really do have more happiness and less stress. There are basic ways to make relationships healthy, even though each one is different…parents, siblings, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, professors, roommates, and classmates. Here are Ten Tips for Healthy Relationships!
1. Keep expectations realistic. No one can be everything we might want him or her to be. Sometimes people disappoint us. It’s not all-or-nothing, though. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them!
2. Talk with each other. It can’t be said enough: communication is essential in healthy relationships! It means—
- Take the time. Really be there.
- Genuinely listen. Don’t plan what to say next while you’re trying to listen. Don’t interrupt.
- Listen with your ears and your heart. Sometimes people have emotional messages to share and weave it into their words.
- Ask questions. Ask if you think you may have missed the point. Ask friendly (and appropriate!) questions. Ask for opinions. Show your interest. Open the communication door.
- Share information. Studies show that sharing information especially helps relationships begin. Be generous in sharing yourself, but don’t overwhelm others with too much too soon.
3. Be flexible. Most of us try to keep people and situations just the way we like them to be. It’s natural to feel apprehensive, even sad or angry, when people or things change and we’re not ready for it. Healthy relationships mean change and growth are allowed!
4. Take care of you. You probably hope those around you like you so you may try to please them. Don’t forget to please yourself. Healthy relationships are mutual!
5. Be dependable. If you make plans with someone, follow through. If you have an assignment deadline, meet it. If you take on a responsibility, complete it. Healthy relationships are trustworthy!
6. Fight fair. Most relationships have some conflict. It only means you disagree about something, it doesn’t have to mean you don’t like each other! When you have a problem:
- Negotiate a time to talk about it. Don’t have difficult conversations when you are very angry or tired. Ask, "When is a good time to talk about something that is bothering me?" Healthy relationships are based on respect and have room for both.
- Don’t criticize. Attack the problem, not the other person. Open sensitive conversations with "I" statements; talk about how you struggle with the problem. Don’t open with "you" statements; avoid blaming the other person for your thoughts and feelings. Healthy relationships don’t blame.
- Don’t assign feelings or motives. Let others speak for themselves. Healthy relationships recognize each person’s right to explain themselves.
- Stay with the topic. Don’t use a current concern as a reason to jump into everything that bothers you. Healthy relationships don’t use ammunition from the past to fuel the present.
- Say, "I’m sorry" when you’re wrong. It goes a long way in making things right again. Healthy relationships can admit mistakes.
- Don’t assume things. When we feel close to someone it’s easy to think we know how he or she thinks and feels. We can be very wrong! Healthy relationships check things out.
- Ask for help if you need it. Talk with someone who can help you find resolution—like your RA, a counselor, a teacher, a minister or even parents. Check campus resources like Counseling Services at 532-6927. Healthy relationships aren’t afraid to ask for help.
- There may not be a resolved ending. Be prepared to compromise or to disagree about some things. Healthy relationships don’t demand conformity or perfect agreement.
- Don’t hold grudges. You don’t have to accept anything and everything, but don’t hold grudges—they just drain your energy. Studies show that the more we see the best in others, the better healthy relationships get. Healthy relationships don’t hold on to past hurts and misunderstandings.
- The goal is for everyone to be a winner. Relationships with winners and losers don’t last. Healthy relationships are between winners who seek answers to problems together.
- You can leave a relationship. You can choose to move out of a relationship. Studies tell us that loyalty is very important in good relationships, but healthy relationships are NOW, not some hoped-for future development.
7. Show your warmth. Studies tell us warmth is highly valued by most people in their relationships. Healthy relationships show emotional warmth!
8. Keep your life balanced. Other people help make our lives satisfying but they can’t create that satisfaction for us. Only you can fill your life. Don’t overload on activities, but do use your time at college to try new things—clubs, volunteering, lectures, projects. You’ll have more opportunities to meet people and more to share with them. Healthy relationships aren’t dependent!
9. It’s a process. Sometimes it looks like everyone else on campus is confident and connected. Actually, most people feel just like you feel, wondering how to fit in and have good relationships. It takes time to meet people and get to know them…so, make "small talk"…respond to others…smile…keep trying. Healthy relationships can be learned and practiced and keep getting better!
10. Be yourself! It’s much easier and much more fun to be you than to pretend to be something or someone else. Sooner or later, it catches up anyway. Healthy relationships are made of real people, not images!