Is it only me or have you found that the more we look around, the more we see that people are struggling? My husband has frequently said that if you are not depressed, you are not paying attention. How come our religious seasonal cards are the only place where love, peace and joy can be found consistently?

I really believe that our anger, anxiety and depression are not only a result of our outward circumstances, but also a result of having a lack of margin in our lives. If we define boundaries as how closely we allow people or things to approach us, then margins are those imaginary lines of how far we are willing to ex- tend ourselves. If someone crosses our personal space or boundaries, we be- come uncomfortable (and in extreme cases, violated). In contrast, we determine the parameters of our margins. When there is no margin, we have limited ability to cope with broken cars, crying kids or sick pets. Instead of scheduling in for quality control, we find ourselves crying out for more time, better organizational skills and greater support. But what if we miraculously had the ability to schedule spare time, how would we fill it?

There is a saying, “If the devil can’t make you bad, he will make you busy.” For some, this statement is true. We can become so busy that we do not make time or even have time to give God a thought. We rationalize, justify and make excuses that we are too busy to make God a priority. Busyness looks like productivity and it makes us feel needed. However, busyness is defined in each of our lives differently, however, that definition should take God in to account.


His perspective

By maintaining God perspective, it is not about the crises but how the Christ can move through each circumstance to give meaning and purpose. Learning to talk to Him instead of yourself changes your perspective. When I find myself maxed out, I pray. When I find myself too tired to think, I pray. When I find myself too full from dinner to move, I pray. Prayer gives me the cushion I need to get a Sovereign viewpoint and to ask Him to move in everything and to move me to serve Him anywhere.
I am co-founder of a women’s nonprofit and a media company. Both keep me busy, and people ask me frequently, “How do you do it all?” I cannot say that I have always liked or even enjoyed being busy outside of the home. But I was challenged to move out of my comfort zone and not only increase my borders, but to expand my margins when hearing Charles Spurgeon’s comment on Romans 13:10, “Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” He said, “No man can compass the ends of life by drawing a little line around himself upon the ground. No man can fulfill his calling as a Christian by seeking the welfare of his wife and family only, for these are only a sort of greater self.” 

Outside of self
I have spent many days being busy only with shopping, laundry, vacation planning and house deco- rating. In that season of life, I spent my energy in the things that were a continued extension of my greater self. I realized that being busy with family things only kept me loving and serving the things I already love. I do not need to be spirit led or dependent upon God to love those who love me back. However, adding a responsibility that helps to serve those outside my heart’s desire has allowed me to grow and love in a completely different way.

Can a woman today do it all?

I was invited to attend a luncheon for women television anchors and sports casters.  Upon entering the home, each of us was cordial and professional. We smiled and made eye contact as we shook hands upon meeting and greeting.  Lunch was benign and friendly with superficial conversations mostly highlighting travel opportunities. However, the mood of the women changed as we changed locations from the tables to the living room. A woman who was a formed daily radio host was asked to share on the changes in her career. As she shared, the gal used the word “fear” often like “I was fearful to make a change” and “fear set in when thinking of no salary.” By the end of her discussion, two third of the women were crying. There was a common denominator with the women who were emotionally distraught though; I would say that they were all under 35.

 

Can a woman do it all today? Well, I am in my mid 40s and I can now say yes but I have a much different definition of “all.” I can perform “all” I need to if I make the time and prioritize appropriately. But when I was in my mid 30s with three young children, I needed to adjust my priorities to do as much as I could and not have guilt associated with my family dynamics. I learned early on that prayer was a key factor to get me through the day. God is a great listener when I needed to vent and He does not correct you when asking for help. Getting God involved is not like adding one more person or thing to do. It is more like subtracting myself as the only caregiver and rescuer to do it all

I remember the day I was driving my children home from school.  Robby was in Kindergarten. Emilee was a preschooler and Ellie was about 4 months.  Robby and Emilee stated kicking, fighting and yelling at each other in the very back seat of the minivan. At that moment, the baby started crying. Suddenly feeling desperate and overwhelmed, I prayed out loud while clutching the steering wheel, “Lord, I am about to head home and I have three children who outnumber me. I do not have the extra energy or strength I need to make it all these hours until their bedtime so please help me.” Right then, I heard Robby say to Emilee, “Hey, Em, we better knock it off. Mom just got God involved.”

The reality is that no one can do it all. We are not created to walk through walls or be in two places as once. We also do not have the power to change anyone else as most of us have trouble breaking our own bad habits.

I have heard it said, “Blessed are the flexible for they will not be broken.” Any new thing causes us to shift from our daily routine to accommodate the new endeavor. When you are in a new marriage, the priorities and time needed to maintain the relationship is different than when you have years of trials and experiences with each other.  When you have a newborn, your life completely changes as well as with a new house. There are different priorities, concerns and demands. When your children are small and if they have a fever, an adult has to adjust their plans to take care of the child. When you are in a new job, you have to be able to be flexible to work longer hours and learn the system. When we are working with new and young relationships, our stress level is higher because the demands are heavier. As you get older, you have a skill set and experience of knowing what works well and what has not worked for you in the past.  But the person who is responsible to accommodate, adjust and change is you.

So can you do it all?…Yes, but not every day and not flawlessly. That is ok. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grow and develop and change. Get to know yourself. Some of the “everything” you are doing now may not be necessary or even what you really want in 5 years.

Get God involved. Ask others questions and do not be afraid to fail, lose or quit. Life brings changes. Give yourself the right to change, to explore new options and to relax. Do not be fearful of change.

You are worth it and if you cannot keep up, no one else around you will do as well. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of those things that are of valuable to you.

“Mom how was it in the olden days when you used to have to call the home phone to talk to your friend?” asked my teenage son. The world has definitely changed since the time my parents raised me. I would guess that the desires of a mother’s heart have not changed as much.

 

So, what does the mother really want for Mother’s Day? For me, I want my children to reach their full potential in good values and with strong character. I truly believe they can only achieve my goals for them if they walk with the Lord. Because my prayers do not have the power to force them into the desires of my heart, I pray that I might have the wisdom to lead them to the Lord.

Being a mother to children today is not easy. I continually need to remind myself that “I am the mother” as I am challenged to the core by children who have suddenly become taller, stronger and smarter than I. Repeating, “I am the mother!” aloud helps me stand my ground on many issues, as that answer is sufficient for any of their “whys?” Fortunately, I have noticed that these power struggles do not last long as their attention span changes with the next text message or Facebook update. One of the biggest challenges facing anyone to walk with the Lord today is all the stimuli competing for our concentration to pray and to listen to the Lord, as clearly displayed in the life of a teenager.

Teenagers love stimuli. Everything associated with them is loud, bright and fast. They text on their cell phone, email on Facebook, change their iPod tunes, sort through a homework schedule and then act as if they are listening to me. Children today prepare for a much different world since the days of roll down windows and rotary dial phones. Change has a new meaning in today’s world.

Changes in the “things” are not my real concern for the next generation. I am concerned about the many things that compete for our children’s attention. The world is loud in our ears and bright in our eyes. This way of life will only increase with advancing technology. I am NOT against change or technology; I am against constant, continual noise. If we are not proactive in protecting our minds from the noise, we are going to miss the things that matter most: a personal, walking talking relationship with the Lord.

As a new teenage believer, I heard God’s voice the first time I read the Bible. I learned quickly that in seeking the Lord, my mind must be quiet, like developing a sixth sense. When we tone down our other senses, our awareness of God becomes more evident. A blind person depends more on their sense of hearing and a deaf person depends more on their sense of sight. When everything is shaking and moving, it is difficult to be in tune with your sixth sense of spirituality. If we do not develop ears to hear the Lord and eyes to see His perspective, we will diminish the greatest relationship we could ever have. Regardless of age or stage of life, spirituality is not a “sense” but a lifestyle.

Think about Jesus’ lifestyle. He walked for miles without cell phones or iPods. He rose early to pray. He meditated and contemplated. As parents today, we need to foster an environment that provides the same opportunities, as we model the same behaviors in our lifestyle. Do we take the time to read the Bible or wake up early to pray? Do we know how to meditate and quiet our minds to sense the leading of the Lord?

A lifestyle with the Lord starts by praying to have an eternal perspective. Moses prayed it best in Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Moses understood that we live maybe 70 to 80 years on this earth (Psalm 90:10) but eternity is forever. Are we spending our time and giving our attention to what matters for eternity? Are we making a difference here that counts someday up there? Mothers are to teach, train and lead their children to have an understanding of that eternal perspective. We must cultivate it in our daily lives so that our children learn from our example. A great Mother’s Day gift? My child playing worship songs on their iPod.

Life is fast, too fast. We get everything but some quite time with ourselves. Years go by and when we look back, life makes us wonder, what we have done that had made our years meaningful and has brought solace to our souls.  No matter how successful and big we may become, we cannot be bigger than our individual self. It is like seeing ourselves in a mirror and talking to our real self about things that our heart desires. To make that connection we need nothing but a quiet time with ourselves.

I love to have some quite time with myself. It is the time when I shut down everything that has potential to disturb me as I dedicate a few minutes only to myself. I know that it can be tough but it is not impossible. The most important part is developing the habit of having a quiet time and soon you would discover how powerful and easy the complete process is.

Below is a list of top 10 things of why you should have a quiet time and how you can have a quiet time. Try any one of them and you would be surprised how one thing leads to other:

1) To Collect-You need quiet time to collect your senses and thoughts. In such a hectic life this time would help you to get your act together.
2) To Compose- The quiet time will help you to compose your thoughts. The mind is full of continual stimuli. The quiet time will give you an opportunity to compose your thoughts.
3) To Care- You, your body, your mind, your soul need to focus your energy in the same direction. Distractions will come but having direction is a must.  A quiet time shows that you are purposeful and you care about you.
4) To Decide- Confused, not able to make a decision, don’t worry. Give a quiet time to yourself and you would see myriad of possibilities that would help you decide with much ease.
5) To Plan-Planning is not an easy process. You need quiet time to put the pieces together and answer complex questions that are

hard to solve.

6) To Dream- You dream almost every moment but dreams that are dreamt in your quiet time makes us serious about them. Such dreams are our priorities and the ones that our heart desire. Only quiet time has the power to unravel them.  

7) To Check- Each one of us needs feedback and to put a check on where things are going in life. Quiet times make it possible by giving us some personal minutes to connect to ourselves and calibrate the direction.
8) To Motivate- Success comes only through a dedicated effort which only in turn is possible through motivation. Small intimate quiet times of motivation can help you be on track of your goals.
9)To Not Break- The best way to break yourself is by taking the quiet time out. Flexibility comes with margin. Life moves too quickly for you to not move with it. Take a break.
10) To Be Yourself- A normal human being puts on different masks in different situations. We are essentially not real to ourselves when we are with others. A quiet time gives us an opportunity to see the real us and keep the connection running.

Life is full of surprises. There are plenty of challenges around waiting for us to be converted. But everything in life needs a booster and that is possible only when you take a quiet time to be introspective. Quiet time is your real personal period that is yours and yours only. It is an effective medium to discover the joy knowing and being YOU.